The 10%: How To Save Yourself After A Breakup

Although intimate relationships between lovers can be often known as a wonderful experience that enriches the lives of those involved, it can also be a challenging, daunting, and terrible experience when the relationship loses it’s Chemical Romance. You see, people have a tendency to devote themselves entirely to their partner. As time passes and you spend a significant amount of time with each other, you develop a kinship with your significant other that makes you sub-consciously think that the two of you are inseparable. This type of adoration doesn’t always happen with everyone, but for those that it does, you’ll probably have a good idea of the point I’m about to make.

Attraction turns to lust, lust turns to adoration, adoration turns to admiration, and when you least expect it; all of a sudden you are in love! When two people are in sync emotionally, the process of developing a relationship is wonderful. A healthy mind and an open heart would never consider the negative presumptions that come with worrying about the direction of your relationship because when it’s as good as it is in the present, your past relationships don’t matter, and your future is too far away to consider in the present moment of bliss that you are in.

Well, I apologize in advance, but I’m about to burst your bubble and give you a bit of a reality check!

The reason for the title “The 10%”, is because I believe that when falling in love you should always keep 10% of that love as a security blanket for yourself in case things go awry in the relationship.

 

Many people fall in love and give themselves completely to their partners, but when things go bad within the relationship, they are left with nothing for themselves to cure their heartache. With that 10% you save for yourself, you can regenerate the self-love within yourself and know that consciously you still own a piece of your own heart. This is very important for the healing process. Breakups can be disastrous in more ways than just emotionally. For example, physically you can develop an eating disorder, mentally you can become confused and lonely, and spiritually you can lose faith in your own ability to love, or worse, lose faith in the opposite sex if you’ve gone through heartache’s in the past.

 

“Learn to love whole-heartedly, but don’t lose the love you have for yourself.”

-aWayWithWords

 

Relationships last when two people create an equal balance between how much they give into the relationship, and how much they give themselves. By becoming dependent on your partner to fulfill your life with all the goodness you aspire to receive, you risk the possibility of forcing your partner to feel responsible for your happiness. If your partner is going through a rough time in his or her life, and you are relying on him/her to be the one who’s always happy, optimistic, and fun, then you are putting pressure on them to maintain the balance in what the two of you have created. This can push your partner away and result in mixed emotions that won’t have clarity dawn upon the situation at hand until it is too late.

When considering “the 10%” ideology, make a mental note to develop your self-confidence, self-esteem, and be certain of your self-worth. Prevalence in a relationship is sustained when you are certain of yourself. Imagine growing a thick layer of protection around your heart. Nothing is certain in life. People come, people go. Flowers bloom, flowers die. Day turns to night, and night turns to day. Take a moment to think of the word “relationship”.

 

broken heart love this city tv

 

 

Relation – noun

- the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected; a thing’s effect on or relevance to another.

 

Ship – noun

- a vessel larger than a boat for transporting people or goods by sea.

 

Quick Story: (From a female’s perspective)

Imagine yourself in a mid-sized canoe with the person you love. The canoe has a name on the side of it. It’s called “relation-ship”. As your paddling along joyfully, each of you are contributing the perfect amount of consistency and strength in order to move the canoe forward. You are both healthy and active, and you know each others strengths so you find the perfect balance between each other to tread along consistently. You exemplify the perfect couple with your keen understanding of one another, your open communication, and your loyalty that has created a foundation of trust that seems to be irreplaceable.

In the canoe you have:

– a little boom box playing some of your favourite tune

– a cooler filled with some goodies

– a tent for two people ready to pitch for when you reach your final destination at the island 5 km away

– a backpack filled with clothes and supplies

– life jackets stuffed somewhere in the back of the canoe.

The life jackets aren’t being worn because what could go wrong? You’re with the love of your life, the suns shining bright, the sky is blue, and the island is approaching closer by the minute.

 

Suddenly for some unknown reason you realize there is a strange amount of water (jealousy, extreme work hours, work related travels, insecurities) at your feet inside the canoe. You stop paddling and look to find the source of where the water is coming from. You head over to the back of the canoe only to find that there’s a punctured hole that’s allowing water to enter at a rate that can be considered to be worthy of panic. You tell your partner that you’re scared. He stops paddling and heads over to the back of the canoe to try to patch it up. He uses whatever he can to fill the gap but the water is still seeping in and the canoe is filling up with water from the inside. You panic! You’re scared! You’re freaking out and he’s telling you to calm down because everything’s going to be okay. You grab the paddle and start paddling as fast and as hard as you can. Your partner is still in the back frantically trying to patch the hole while you are guiding the canoe in slow 360-degree circles from paddling on one side of it. You tell your partner to leave the hole and start paddling with her so that you can get to the island quicker. He joins you on the efforts and you both start paddling furiously out of fear and disbelief that this is actually happening to your “relation-ship”.

This “relation-ship” (canoe) that was filled with seemingly perfect balance and joyful optimism is now sinking and you both can’t seem to find common ground to keep it afloat. All you can do is desperately attempt to fight through your efforts to make it to the island alive without having the canoe sink. You then realize that you won’t have a way back to the mainland if this canoe sinks. This is when things get extreme.

Your doubt in the sustainability of the “relation-ship” causes you to overreact and cast blame on your partner for not checking the canoe prior to putting it in the water. While you bicker and bitch at him for putting you in this terrible position, he reacts by screaming back at you and calling you names; his defense mechanism to make himself feel better about not taking all the blame when in his opinion you should both have equal responsibility for what’s happening.

Sadly, the water engulfs the inside of the “relation-ship” (canoe) and eventually sinks, leaving the couple in life jackets floating alone in the lake waiting for help to hopefully arrive. (counseling, time apart, forgive & forget)

 

Moral of the Story

If the woman in the story would have realized that putting blame on her partner and accusing him of putting them in that difficult situation was irresponsible on her part, she could have avoided all the panic and stress and focused on working together to solve the conflicts they faced in order to find an amicable solution to help them overcome the challenge they faced together. She didn’t have the “10%”.

When it was time to be independent and responsible for her own contribution to the relationship, she failed at contributing the necessary elements that could have potentially motivated her partner to create an alternate solution that could have kept them both afloat. By chastising him, he gave up on himself and ultimately the relationship.

All it takes is one fight, one argument, one moment of despair within your relationship to throw things off balance and leave things in potential jeopardy.

Love yourself first. Be emotionally and spiritually prepared to heal your wounds by acknowledging that if things do not work out between you and your significant other, you have enough self-consciousness and self-love to help you carry on in life. The “10%” can be your savior.

Sincerely,
– aWayWithWords

aw3

aW3

aWayWithWords